Best "Oops!" Moments from Horror Movies [with links]

Best "Oops!" Moments from Horror Movies - July, 2012

Whatever that means...

1. Psycho (1960): When Norman Bates is sinking Marion Crane's car into the lagoon, it snags for a few seconds halfway down. Norman's panicked expression (at 1:08 of this clip) is priceless.

2. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974): At 4:30 of this clip, Leatherface's family tries to give Grandpa the honor of making a kill for old time's sake, but he's so old that he can't even hold up the hammer. 

3. Carrie (1976): At 6:00 of this clip, Sue, the only survivor of Carrie's prom night massacre, appears sympathetic to Carrie's mental snap only to get a surprise of her own. Eh, but it was only a dream. Go ahead and watch the whole clip for Piper Laurie's orgasmic (if not biblical) death.

4. Friday the 13th (1980): Another surprise ending when all seems so peaceful. And the only real close-up of Jason you'll ever get.

5. Night of the Living Dead (1968): What a shame. After a night of zombie apocalyptic horror, help is finally on the way for the heroic Ben. Except that the help mistakes him for a zombie and shoots him in the head. Damn the white man. Start this clip at 3:00.

6. Pet Sematary (1989): Desperation at its finest. After all that has happened, Louis still hasn't learned his lesson and decides to bring his wife back from the dead. Sure, they kiss a little, exchange some guts, but she kills him anyway. Dumbass.

7. The Ring (2002): Naomi Watts just can't get it right. Just when she thinks she's clear by freeing the creepy little ring girl, her precocious son (who somehow knows all the answers) informs her that that was a stupid move (at 2:20 of this clip).

Things I Have Learned from Dating Lesbians

Things I Have Learned from Dating Lesbians - July, 2012

1. Lesbians are all friends with their exes.

2. There is only one excuse for not wanting to have sex and that is "I'm too tired tonight."  Any other reason is the WRONG ANSWER.

3. Dildos are expensive.

4. Bitches be crazy.

5. After sleeping with someone for the first time, the best indication that she's into you is if she wants to do brunch the next morning.  Conversely, comments like, "I'm not sure what's going on between me and my ex" or "I don't believe in monogamy" are red flags.

6. Lesbians love to do brunch.

7. Lesbians love to cuddle.

8. Some exes just never go away.

9. Lesbians are all connected somehow.

10. ...Bitches be crazy.

Reasons I Will Not Be Attending NYC Pride This Year

Reasons I Will Not Be Attending NYC Pride This Year - May, 2012

1. I don't feel like wrangling and pretending to be buddies with the queers I really only see once a year at Pride.

2. I have only ever experienced one great Pride and that was not in NYC.

3. There is a 99.6% chance that I'll run into someone I don't want to see and a 85.2% chance that I'll run into more than one person I don't want to see.

4. I don't handle day drinking very well anymore.

5. It's hot, it's crowded, and modestly clean bathrooms are non-existent.

6. I usually end up having to pee behind a car because modestly clean bathrooms are non-existent.

7. I don't want to be dragged into wingman'ing the sale of unattractive Thai pants again this year.

8. It's really only fun if you have someone to make out with in front of the Jesus freaks.

9. Something unexpected and unfortunate always happens to someone in my party:

  EXHIBIT A (2009): Kidney stones and subsequent bureaucratic battle with St. Vincent's.

  EXHIBIT B (2010): Mild heat stroke on the Hudson River.

  EXHIBIT C (2011): Five-story drop (and disappearance) of the perfect blunt.