Reasons I Will Not Be Attending NYC Pride This Year - May, 2012
1. I don't feel like wrangling and pretending to be buddies with the queers I really only see once a year at Pride.
2. I have only ever experienced one great Pride and that was not in NYC.
3. There is a 99.6% chance that I'll run into someone I don't want to see
and a 85.2% chance that I'll run into more than one person I don't want to
see.
4. I don't handle day drinking very well anymore.
5. It's hot, it's crowded, and modestly clean bathrooms are non-existent.
6. I usually end up having to pee behind a car because modestly clean bathrooms are non-existent.
7. I don't want to be dragged into wingman'ing the sale of unattractive Thai pants again this year.
8. It's really only fun if you have someone to make out with in front of the Jesus freaks.
9. Something unexpected and unfortunate always happens to someone in my party:
EXHIBIT A (2009): Kidney stones and subsequent bureaucratic battle with St. Vincent's.
EXHIBIT B (2010): Mild heat stroke on the Hudson River.
EXHIBIT C (2011): Five-story drop (and disappearance) of the perfect blunt.
