Unofficial Rules for the Subway That Should Be Official – January, 2012
Like many New Yorkers, the subway experience is a constant source of frustration in my life. Here are some ideas that would make things easier. In my ideal world...
1. No leaning on poles, especially when there are people trying to hold on to said pole, asshole.
2. When boarding a car, let the people out before going in. Duh.
3. If you’re standing next to the doors of a crowded car, step out of the car to let people out.
4. Move all the way in to the train and fill the empty space in the middle.
5. The standing spots next to the doors are first come, first served. Passengers trying to squeeze in cannot take the side spots next to the doors if they are already taken. Also, if you are sitting next to one of these spots, your arm must remain within the side bars.
6. Take off your backpack on a crowded train. It's only fair that you will otherwise be pick-pocketed.
7. When sitting, your legs must not spread wider than your shoulder width. Also, don’t be a douchebag and take up more than one seat.
8. Don’t hold the doors open. It slows everything down.
9. No littering on the tracks or on the train. Most platforms have trashcans every 30 feet or so. Just put it in the damn trashcan.
10. Wait until the train has stopped to stand up and move toward the door, especially when there are people trying to hold on to the pole above you. This means you, bitchy old white lady, who insists on making me let go so you can save 2 seconds of getting off.
11. During rush hour, if you are the first person to reach the stairs, you must haul ass up the steps. Conversely, if you are slow, injured, or carrying a stroller, you must wait to the side until the faster people have passed.
12. When you get to the top or bottom of the stairs, move out of the fucking way.
